So, a tale of a man and his penis. Yes, another one. I’ll try to make it, well, not too tall.
And the story begins when I receive an intriguing product called Private Gym, which is described as a ‘pelvic muscle system for men’. What’s a pelvic muscle? Well, when you next have a piss, consciously slow or stop the flow of urine. You’re doing so by usiing your pelvic muscles. The pelvic muscles support the penis.
Private Gym as a package includes an instruction booklet, an interactive DVD and two items of exercise equipment: a ‘resistance ring’ to be placed around the penis and a magnetic weight, the purpose of the weight being to attach it to the ring. More about these two items in a possible sequel, for now, however, one can make the observation that it is clearly envisioned that your penis will be up for some heavy lifting in the days and weeks to come…
Two exercise programs are outlined – basic training and an advanced form of what’s called resistance training – and I’ve been following the first of these (not involving ring or weight) for a month or so. By briefly contracting the pelvic muscles, you can condition and strengthen them over time. This may lead to an improvement in sexual health and anyway it is helpful for what my doctor calls ‘the waterworks’, the bladder and prostate too. I found the exercises to be easy to do, taking less than 10 minutes a day, and while the results were not spectacular (to reiterate, this is not a tall tale) I enjoyed definite benefits in terms of performance, and that in only a month.
An attraction of Private Gym for me was that it involved no little blue pills or otherwise dodgy pharmaceuticals, but rather a practical, evidence-based, no-nonsense program of simple exercises – and, as I say, it yielded tangible results. The evidence comes from the work of Andrew Siegel, author of Male Pelvic Fitness, who played a part in developing the program. Moreover, the medical panel overseeing the program includes the renowned Grace Dorey.
While carrying out the exercises this past month, I’d often call to mind the passage in The Unbearable Lightness of Being where Milan Kundera describes Johannes Scotus Erigena’s thoughts concerning what the experience of Paradise was like for the First Man: ‘He [Erigena] believed, moreover, that Adam’s virile member could be made to rise like an arm or a leg, when and as its owner wished…’ These exercises won’t deliver quite this level of control, but then again, would you really want them to? That fantasy – and it is a fantasy, albeit a theological one – as with many, may be best not realised. For as Kundera adds: ‘If it were possible to raise the penis by means of a simple command, then sexual excitement would have no place in the world.’ (Quotes taken from page 246 of the Faber edition).
Properly followed, the exercise program outlined in Private Gym is effective and worthwhile and can do much good. If interested enough to research further, my advice would be to google ‘pelvic exercises for men’ and to look as well at the work of Andrew Siegel and Grace Dorey. You can find more details of the Private Gym program itself by visiting their website here.
Now to start on the ring and its attendant weight…
Jildy Sauce 